And it’s not because someone you know is sick or maybe someone you love has hurt you.. It’s not because you’re suffering the loss of a life or even a pet. It’s for things that are deep down inside of you.. Things that nobody else knows but you. Things that if you shared them with other people they would make you feel exposed, naked, and vulnerable. Those feelings deep inside of you that make you feel weak.
Some days it be the fact that you moved 1,600 miles away from your family and you miss your daily interaction with them… Some days it may be the fact that since moving you’ve broken ties with the core females who’ve been there through it all and you’ve since struggled to replace those core females in your life.. Some days it may be the fact that you just feel like the world is trying to put itself against you and remind you of all the beautiful things you left back in California.. Whatever the reason may be for you, some days… it’s okay to cry.
And today I cried. I broke down and cried like a silly little girl.
I don’t know what it is about us as humans that when we are feeling vulnerable or when we’ve reached her breaking point that makes us produce tears. I hate crying in front of other people. Especially those people who mean the most to me. There’s something about them seeing me like that. That strong, happy, smiling girl… Broken and hurting from her inner feelings. I hate that our society deems crying as a sign of weakness or that guys write you off as “too emotional” or “hormonal” if you cry. And at the same time, I hate that society deems that men shouldn’t cry. It makes them a “sissy” (or worse) if they cry.
But the truth is that no matter who you are, crying is therapeutic. There’s something about that release, those tears falling down your cheeks, maybe even curling up in a ball and sobbing that feels good. Although you aren’t really accomplishing anything… It feels like you’re letting those negative, awful feelings inside of you go. And there’s something about breaking down and crying that in a round about way makes you feel stronger in the end. It makes you feel renewed. Like you can start fresh again. Something about the tears that wipe your inner slate clean. You faced your inner demons, you called them out, you’ve let them come to the surface. Those things are no longer eating you away inside.
Of course you could have just swallowed those feelings and moved on. You could have pushed them back down and instead acted like everything is okay. But instead, you cried. You broke down and lost it. But that’s okay. It’s a reminder that we are all just human, we aren’t perfect. We all have downfalls, we all struggle. And it’s in our moments of struggle that we hope the people who we love most are there to pick us up.
It was in that moment today, he was there to pick me up.. I sat at my desk and tried not to let the tears fall as he talked to me about the subject that broke the camel’s back or I guess in this case opened the flood gates… But eventually they did. I cried. He held me, he let me cry. He wiped away my tears like you would for a child who has just skinned their knee. But it was in that moment that he didn’t need to know why I was crying, he just knew I needed to be picked up.. So he did. He took my face into his hands, put his forehead to mine, and looked directly into my eyes. And even though I was feeling vulnerable, like he could literally see right into my soul, see my downfalls and my deepest feelings.. He uttered the words “It’s okay. I’m here and we will get through this. Together.” And just like that, he picked me up.
It’s days like today I am reminded of the many ways I love my farmer and I am so thankful he was brought into my life. I’ve said before he is my rock and indeed he is. My strong and steady in the storm, my anchor in the sea of life.
So whether it be you, your mother, your father, your sister, your friend… whoever it may be. Some days.. it’s okay for us to cry. Let it out, wash away those feelings.. And once you’re done, wipe away those tears, and start anew. But most of all, be reminded you’re not the only one out there who needs to cry sometimes. Like I said before, we are all human. And sometimes it’s good to remind ourselves that.
The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears. ~John Vance Cheney