Please Forgive Me…

As my plane makes its final descent into California, I look out the window to see the sun beginning to make its descent and sink down on the California horizon. I should be marveling at its beauty but it’s got nothing on those painted sunset skies of the wide open prairies. I’m already missing North Dakota. Who would have ever thought I’d be saying that…?

It’s hard to believe that a mere few hours ago I was riding in the planter with Sunflowerfarmer’s dad making passes up and down the field as I experience planting corn for the first time. And next to Sunflowerfarmer in the pickup. My hand in his. With nothing but blue skies and wide open spaces in front of us.

I guess I should be happy to have my feet planted back on the soil on which I was born. But instead my landing in California brings back tears. I’m overwhelmed with emotions. I guess the reality of the next few weeks has hit. I’ve never experienced feelings like this. I guess people really do get lovesick.

I love my family and it is so good to be back in their presence. But it’s extremely bittersweet. For the first time in my life, Home doesn’t feel like home. I guess Ive evolved to a new home. And the absence of many of my possessions is a constant reminder of them being back in North Dakota.

And so begins two months of cold hard reality by myself. But I guess this is just one of those things in life that you’ve got to do. There’s no other choice but to just pick yourself up face it. So here I go.

And I know that in the long run, years from now we will look upon this and laugh. Because this will be nothing compared to the trials life will bring us.

But for right now. This is reality. And its only been a few hours.. So please forgive me for being emotional because today my heart broke in two. Part of which I took with me back to California. Part of which is being held with Sunflowerfarmer in North Dakota.

You see so until I return back there… Something about life just won’t be right. It won’t be as bright. I won’t feel whole. But through all of this, it can only make me stronger. And the comfort of the fact that I’ve found someone who loves me unconditionally as much as I love him. Well.. That will help get me through. And soon I hope to be back in the arms of my farmer. Where even though it may not be rainbows and butterflies everyday, there’s no denying that he is the sunshine that lights up my world..


Thanks to everyone who shared their love, support, and prayers with us today. It’s appreciated more than words can express.


2 responses to “Please Forgive Me…

  1. I’m just now getting around to read this and wanted to ask how you’re doing now? I hope your days are getting brighter and your now counting down the days until you go back.

    BTW, girl you need to write a romance novel. I love reading your posts and they always make me fell like I’m there talking to you in person and feeling what you’re feeling. The love you have for Mr. SunflowerFarmer comes across so passionately in your posts. Sounds like you both were meant for each other. 🙂

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